“Woah… a real ghost…”
“You seem well educated, why are you scared of ghosts? Or even believe in them?”
“Well, its hard not to! Everyone says they are real and scary!”
“Also, ugh, I was forced to tell you sorry for being ‘creepy’ or whatever. I’m not creepy though!”
“It’s normal for girls to look at other girls and appreciate how attractive they are!”
“It’s true, I was the same at your age. Comes in every girl’s life”
She ignores the fact that she is married to a woman.
“But at the end you end up with a guy regardless, yeah?”
“…Maybe”
“I’ll have to end up with Fede, which is kinda gross but I’ll get over it probably”
“Wh- What do you mean you ‘have’ to? Is someone forcing you to marry him?”
“No, no, it’s not like, planned or anything, it’s just…”
“We know each other for a long time, and our parents know each other for a long time and are good friends and they love to say we’re like a couple and plan stuff for when ‘our families become one’ and …”
“I’m not like, being forced to marry him or anything but like. Seems like things are heading that way”
“It wouldn’t be awful really, he’s my friend so we already get along, And! I get to stay at home all day while he fucks around in his dad’s business! I’ll be set for life!”
“And then what”
“Huh?”
“Once you achieve the life of your dreams, the perfect life”
“What comes next?”
“Uh. Kids?”
“Would that make it better?”
“Well, I wouldn’t get bored with kids…”
“And you’ll be happy with that?”
“Of course! It’s the dream! Everyone wants that!”
She’s right, of course. Anyone would want that life.
The correct life.
The one she’s been following, set for her, sacrificed for her.
Her parents might’ve been strict, but they taught her well, she will never fault her for doing what they thought would make her happy.
(But did they ever really do it for me?)
They taught her to take shortcuts, to cut all possible loses, to cut the floor beneath another person if necessary, to lie, to cheat.
To live with the sacrifices of others.
To love numbers, to live numbers, to see people as numbers.
To recognize the opportunity of a lifetime when it’s presented to her.
She could always recognize people like her by the way they smile.
Too perfect, too controlled. Too aware of their teeth.
Unlike her uncle’s smile. Yellow and crooked. Unbothered.
She was not unhappy, by all means she cannot say she was miserable.
Having high quality health care at her hand is more than most of the population could ever wish for. Not having to worry to survive until the next pay is a relief as well.
She is with her best friend, working together, being successful.
She has reached the top.
But she’s hungry.
She can differentiate right from wrong, she has let her family into an idyllic state of never worrying about money again. She is what everyone desires.
So there must be something deeply wrong when she’s still hungry
A hunger that is only satiated when she brushes her own hair. When she chooses her own clothes. When she’s in charge of decisions. When she can stand her ground in an argument.
A hunger that only grows with every stolen glance, with small touches, with an unbothered smile, an understanding voice.
Something that beckons to her to run away, to forget everything and start anew, to call her uncle and finally have that camping trip he offered. To say No to the ring.
But she can’t.
Because it’s not right.
It’s not what’s supposed to happen. It’s not what’s supposed to make her happy. It’s what she was taught. It’s what made her who she is.
It’s what everyone says.
And they’re all full of shit.
“I don’t think you’d be wrong to share the rest of your life with your friend, as long as you keep things as they are”
“Forcing yourself to a role you didn’t ask for is… detrimental in the long run”
“You’re young, surely someone as tenacious as you won’t bend down to the whims of some old rich guys, yeah?”
“Huh…?”
“You’ll get it when you’re older. I know you got a heart in there somewhere”
“I know it wants more than what they can offer.”
“Oh, it’s dinner time. Let’s go. It’s rude to keep people waiting”
“Wuh, uh ah, yes!”
Sometimes she really wishes things were different.
That she didn’t make so many mistakes.
That she noticed the lie sooner.
She grieves her youth.